Has it ever happened to you
seemingly out of the blue
where you wake up one morning
and silently scream, “I am in a low, low funk,”
and you don’t even know how it happened
or when it started?
You scroll back through recent happenings
and see many “little” things,
but none of them seem to be the root cause
of this nothingness – this slump,
this low, low, depressive state.
You had it all, so you thought.
You had it all figured out.
You were living in joy, and shooting for the stars,
and your dream was very real.
You were lifted, and in fact
you even lifted others.
But there you are,
refusing life, as if life has refused YOU,
and you wonder which caused which?
What started what?
The proverbial chicken or egg question
drives you mad
as it hangs in the air around you,
That which you swore you would not allow to happen,
and you don’t want to face it.
You recall past inspirations
and quotes by others
and prayers, and miracles
and how life proved its goodness to you
over and over and over, in the past.
Faint recollections of being “aligned”
with life purpose,
and feeling one with your divinity,
but it’s all gone now, and
it has left a haze – like smoke in the distance
and you can’t even see your way.
A last straw of hope …
you muster a question,
“Am I breaking down,
or breaking open?”
And you pray it is the latter.
Breaking down is a state of disempowerment
in which you feel yourself falling, falling, falling
and you cannot look up.
You fear the bottomless pit.
Breaking open is a “purposeful breaking.”
It is your soul’s way of alerting you
to your deepest needs,
your abandoned self,
and the inner, wound-filled voids.
The eggshell needs to break open
because your soul needs space and attention.
Dams need to break down
to show you how to tread new waters.
Pain is necessary because it alerts you
and begs your attention to what is broken.
The gift it holds can only be found
by accepting and embracing the pain
right at its source, right at its root.
Inner work is necessary now.
If you ignore the underlying root of the funk,
If you react to life from a state of pain,
If you blindly accept pain as a sign that you are
simply a “depressed person”
If you let it drag you into a defeatist mentality,
and a low self-image,
you miss the whole point,
and you do, indeed, “break down.”
It’s the knowing that life wants to
“break you open”
versus “break you down.”
It is never life’s intention
It is never love’s intention
to break you down!
What would be the point of that?!
If you are broken down
you are of no use to yourself or anyone else.
You are done.
End of story.
Yet your heart keeps pumping,
your blood keeps flowing,
and all your faculties keep working.
So what is YOUR purpose in the pain?
Why are you being “broken open?”
What have you been ignoring,
or refusing to see,
or putting off, or afraid to face?
What have you been “busy” at
while ignoring some part of you
that needs your utmost attention?
“What do I need the most right now?”
Let your soul show you its answers.
Don’t rush it.
Listen a little more.
And then you might want to ask,
“What else do I need?”
Allow emotions to surface.
Be OK with them.
Remember, you are “breaking open”
and not “breaking down.”
You are safe.
You are not alone.
Trust me in this because
a gift awaits you in the suffering.
You do not suffer for the sake of suffering.
You suffer for the same reason that you do when
your hand gets burnt by a hot stove.
Just as the nerve endings in your hand say,
“Don’t put your hand there!”
So does your soul scream, “Stop! I’m hurting!”
and it begs to show you where you need healing.
The breaking open leads you onward and upward
to the deeper parts of your life calling.
Some of the greatest inspirations flow
out of darkest, ugliest places.
The beautiful old hymn, “It is Well with My Soul”
was “divinely transmitted” to Horatio G. Spafford
during the most grief-stricken of all human experiences –
the drowning of his four daughters not long after
the death of his son in a fire, in 1871.
“When sorrows like sea billows roll …”
The depth of his pain was the breaking open
of his soul that penned the words
that later healed many hearts, including his own.
How deep is YOUR pain?
What do you need?
What can you NOT put off any longer?
You are not “breaking down,”
Your soul is breaking you open
to new realizations,
and bigger service.
You are a worker of light
Your light is needed,
and you are being refined.
You are not breaking down.
You are breaking open
in Divine Refinement.
The chicken and the egg are not separate at all!
They are in harmony, morphing and clinging together
while slowly growing apart.
It is simply the egg’s job to “become” the chicken,
and the chicken’s job to eventually shed
the old shell of the egg.
Life “breaks open” everything to bigger realities.
The call on your life is HUGE.
The question is, will you accept it?
(This is a post I originally wrote in my Facebook group, H.E.A.L., in March 2016. I am grateful to hear since it was first written, the words helped many to find meaning in suffering. For this reason I share it here on my Blog.)
Much love and joy to you in your life. ♥
All Ways Inspired
www.AllWaysInspired.com ….. P.S. MY NEWS, as of January, 2018!: … I will be scaling Mt. Kilimanjaro in January, 2019!! … awareness and funds for what I call a “closet killer” … eating disorders. Check out my Page and either donate or share (or both!): https://www.gofundme.com/vernaskilimanjarocause